Diapers and Lipgloss: Teaching ‘Positive Thinking’ to Kids
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The secret to long lasting change
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The secret to changing anything in our lives usually boils down to changing or forming new habits. Sounds pretty easy, however, forming new habits is challenging and can be perceived as a daunting task. I see it in my practice everyday and know that when we don’t make immediate and long lasting changes, we can be very hard on ourselves, which can slow down or even stifle progress.
Here’s a great trick for change that lasts. Before you begin a new change, frame it in your brain as an ongoing process and not something you can succeed or fail at. Give yourself credit for the journey and remember that change is like acquiring any new skill, it won’t happen overnight. It takes time and should not be measured as a success or a failure, but growth and progress in the right direction. Feeling ready to make a change or create a new habit?
Follow This Easy Approach:
- Start by choosing one new habit you would like to establish.
- Create a plan to accomplish this goal for 3 days.
- At the end of the 3 days, schedule a few minutes to reflect on how it went and modify your plan as needed to achieve better ease or happiness in accomplishing the task.
- Now try another 3 days with your modified plan, then stop, reflect and modify the plan again as needed.
- Continue this process until the new habit feels like a happy, natural part of your day.
You see, the secret is quite simple. It takes a change in how you see the task. Simply looking at change in bite-sized chunks is a great way to avoid becoming overwhelmed or giving up and allows you to find joy in the process and progress.
If you have any questions or would like some help sticking to your goals, send me a message or leave a comment below!
Be healthy. Be happy.
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The “Know Your Farmer- Know Your Chef” Approach To Healthy Eating
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Knowing as much as you can about what you are putting in your body is a great way to improve your health.
Not all food is created equal and by simply switching where you are getting your food, you can add many essential nutrients to your diet without changing what’s on your menu. Sourcing high quality, locally grown, farmer-loved food will benefit your body, your community and the environment.
Know Your Farmer
I like to eat food grown by local farmers who really care about what they are producing. When the soil is cared for properly, when animals eat what they are naturally designed to eat, and when pesticides, herbicides, fertilizers, and antibiotics aren’t overused, the end product is naturally much better for everyone. In the Waterloo Region, we are lucky to have a wonderful group of farmers who passionately create wonderful food for us to consume.
Know Your Chef
We all enjoy a meal out sometimes. A healthy choice I make is choosing a restaurant whose chef cares about sourcing the best, local ingredients. By consciously choosing this way, not only do I feel confident that I am maximizing the health benefits of what I am eating, but also the food tastes better and eating it is a more enjoyable experience.
Some tips for getting started
- Start conversations with chefs and butchers. Don’t be shy! People who take the time to grow and source healthy ingredients are proud to tell you about them. They have a wealth of knowledge about where your food is coming from and how to prepare it well;
- Look for farmers with open-farm policies in your area and get your family involved by going to check out where your food is coming from; and,
- In addition, engaging in our local communities has been shown to improve well-being. Your local food community is a healthy, delicious place to start.
If you have any questions about how to get started or how to source foods locally here in Waterloo Region reach out to me or leave a comment below!
Be healthy. Be Happy.
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Teaching children the skill of gratitude
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Teaching gratitude to our children is a wonderful gift we can give them that builds their ability to recruit positive thoughts when faced with life’s challenges. We all ask our children to say thank you regularly but sometimes it feels as if we are creating more of a habit then a true understanding of gratitude. In fact, some of the most effective gratitude lessons come from helping children recognize three key concepts: intention, cost and benefit.
Intention
Helping is often intentional and teaching children the intentional nature of this effort can increase the level of gratitude they experience. Have your children be on the lookout for times when someone has gone out of their way to help them.
Cost
When someone does something for us they are frequently giving up something for themselves. This could be time, money, effort, etc. Have a conversation about what these costs may be when your child has identified intentional helping in their lives. This will help them to understand the meaning behind doing something for someone else, and what it means when someone does something for them.
Benefit
Lastly, it is important to recognize and understand the benefit we receive or give to others when we help. Helping your child to understand the benefits of giving and receiving kindness, will increase their levels of gratitude.
Gratitude is a skill that can be developed throughout life and can help us to lead happier, more fulfilling lives. By taking the time to help your children identify and understand gratitude (the intention, costs and benefit of helping another person) they will be able to develop that skill and integrate it into their lives everyday. Create a family mission to identify these principles in your own lives and start a gratitude journal to thoughtfully record, reflect and share these moments of gratitude with the family.
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How to Encourage Our Children to Work Hard, Embrace Failure and Enjoy the Ride
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Praise is such a natural part of parenting. It provides our children with positive reinforcement and should be given freely. But parental praise comes with one big caveat…be careful what you praise them for. Our words tell children how to think about themselves and with best intentions when we say things like, “Great job, you scored so many goals. You’re a natural!” we send our child the message that trying hard means you aren’t as talented and that success should come easily. Instead we should aim to praise our children for their effort, not their talent.
Research shows that children praised for outcome will choose easier tasks to prove they are smart or talented and gain our approval. Praising children for effort on the other hand, is what leads them to choose harder tasks because they know we value effort.
To understand why this happens we first need to understand some ground breaking research out of Stanford University identifying two different mindsets: fixed mindset and growth mindset.
In a fixed mindset we believe that our intelligence and talent are something we are born with and can’t really change. This leads us to the false assumption that talent alone, without hard work, will lead to success. Extensive research has shown that children with this mindset give up easily and often avoid challenges.
In a growth mindset, on the other hand, we see ourselves as growing and developing. We believe we can build any skill with effort and this can help us create a love of learning and an excitement around new challenges. We see the brain like a muscle, the more effort we put in, the bigger it grows. As a result, children with a growth mindset ultimately reach higher levels of success.
So the next time you want to encourage your child give praise freely for these growth mindset builders:
Things accomplished through practice, studying, good strategies, perseverance, and concentration.
For choosing challenging projects.
For trying different strategies.
For improvement.
For passion.
When your child does something very quickly and easily, recognize that the task didn’t challenge them and say “Sorry about that. I guess that was too easy. Next time let’s choose something that will really help you grow.”
Try to avoid praise that judges their intellect, talent and speed rather than effort. Praising these qualities unintentionally has an adverse effect when our child faces difficult tasks, as it can create a fear of failure, increased procrastination and cause our children to quit when things get difficult.
The first year my son played soccer he was a natural, leading the pack in goals scored and bursting with pride at his accomplishments. Wanting to encourage his love of the game I praised him for his successes. But at start of next season when, pitted against an older age group, he was no longer the star player I became the mom who had to repeatedly venture out onto the field to pick up my sobbing little boy.
By praising the outcome of his hard work and passion instead of the hard work and passion itself I had created a child who wanted to give up when things got hard. Lesson learned! With a few quick changes in the words I use, I once again have a child who adores soccer but this time he’s ok when the game doesn’t go his way. I recently heard another parent praising him for his skills and he politely pointed out that it was because he was working very hard. A true moment of parenting pride.
If you have any questions regarding these concepts or more ideas to practice them, reach out at any time.
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