“If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”
To build autonomy, create a ‘how web’.
Autonomy is about options. There is almost always choice when it comes to how we think about our life and the challenges we face. Completing a ‘how web’ can help us see our problem from different perspectives and understand the different choices we can make in a given situation. To complete a ‘how web’ with your child, help them think through their problem with these different perspectives:
Find similarities – has something similar ever happened? What did you do then? What worked?
Break it down further – can the problem be broken down into smaller steps? What’s the first small action you could take?
Challenge assumptions – is there anything I’m believing about this issue that may not be true?
Ask an expert – who could help me with this?
Beginner’s mind – can I clear my mind of everything I think I know and look at the problem from a beginner’s perspective?
Be honest – what’s really bothering me? Are there feelings I’m not addressing or seeing?
Set small goals – ask ‘what’s the hard part?’ to break what can seem like a big problem into something more manageable.
Autonomy has been researched in over 80 countries across the world. In all these countries, it’s shown to have a positive association to our life satisfaction.
This is because, when we have self-directed goals and can follow our own interests and passions, we’re more likely to be satisfied with our lives.
While autonomy is important for this reason, it’s also important to ensure that your child is surrounded by a strong community. This week, surround your child with others in your community to help them develop a strong voice for themselves in the context of their social connections.
Autonomy is our ability to make self-directed decisions. This does not mean that we’re alone in our decision making.
What it means is that our decisions reflect our own values and beliefs – not other people’s!
The research shows that we can help our children build autonomy in the context of relatedness and other people through mentoring groups. Today’s tip for building autonomy is to find a mentoring group for your child!
Building any of the Umbrella Skills is a great way to improve your child’s autonomy and internal locus of control. This is their perception that they have control over the direction of their lives instead of feeling that life is happening to them.
By focusing on each of the Umbrella Skills, you have already done great parenting work towards shifting your child to a more empowered view of their lives! Keep up the good work! You have been building your child’s autonomy all along!
These skills nurture your child’s ability to make strong, healthy and self-directed choices in life.
Report cards outline adult expectations for kids and give details of what we’re evaluating them on. This does not leave much opportunity for them to identify or act on their own goals.
Parents – you can help support your child’s autonomy by adding a few additional lines into their report card. Have them fill out these lines with their own self-directed goals. This gives your child an opportunity to work towards a goal with the process of learning under their control.
