“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” Oprah Winfrey
We would love to hear your stories of hard won, real integrity. What was the last thing you did to build this important skill?
I often hear from parents that they feel compelled to jump in and advocate for their child’s success in academic and sport contexts. The reason? All the other parents are doing it and their child will be at a disadvantage if they don’t. While this may lead to some immediate benefits, over time it can undermine our children’s sense of fairness, integrity, their confidence that they earned what they have on their own merit and their ability to advocate for themselves.
Parents: We would love to hear your thoughts on this. How do you navigate this dilemma?
Each month, Dr. Jen encourages parents to reflect on their own use of that month’s Umbrella Skill.
As you reflect on your own experiences with the integrity Umbrella Skill, consider the following questions. Do the values that you hold match the way that you’re parenting? Are you taking accountability for your actions or are you externalizing things onto the outside world all the time?
These are important questions to reflect on your own integrity and how you are modelling that skill for your children. Find out more in today’s video tip.
When you understand your child’s thoughts and the meaning they are pulling from their life’s events, you can better understand their actions and eventually the path their life is taking. Everything starts with our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and others.
To work on integrity ask your child often what things mean to them. What does it mean when your sibling is unkind to you? Why do you think you did poorly on that test? What does it mean that you didn’t make the team? Why did you feel you needed to cheat on that project? Their answers will help you understand their thoughts, leading to their behaviour that may or may not be serving them and help you guide them towards a healthier and more productive story.
Living with integrity is not always the easiest choice to make. It can sometimes be a difficult and isolating choice for our children.
However, living with integrity helps us to live with purpose and let’s us feel good about ourselves day-to-day.
To help your child build integrity, point out examples of role models they admire demonstrating integrity.